This Dick-Themed Latte Art Beats Your Flaccid Flat White

Usually we really don't care how many oz of almond milk is in your flat white, if you take herbal sugar or what kinda pattern you get on your soy cappuccino. But when it comes to beverages as well as genitals, we have a tendency to take notice.

Which is why upon discovering dick latte art is a thing, we were all ears. One Instagram account has dedicated its whole existence to coffee foam with penises on. Obviously its tag is the simple yet descriptive '@dicklatte'.

 

Pioneered by a mystery barista who loves coffee and cocks as much as you, phalluses of all kinds are celebrated. From circumcised to uncut, animal dicks to human pen15s, they're flaccid, erect, big, small and incredibly detailed, seeing as they've been carved on a latte.

 

While the account feeds into the satirising of the naked male form, we've gotta admit that willies formed in foam are amusing. I mean, some are so cute. Some not so much.

 

How does one come to discover their strange dick-drawing talents though? Well, according to an interview they did with Buzzfeed, the anonymous trouser snake fan bought an espresso machine to save money on coffee, but instead of the steamed milk falling into a lovely heart in his cup, out "plopped" a "perfectly shaped penis". The rest was history, of course.

 

Delving into the scene a little more, the scrotal artiste – only known as "they" and "them" – told Buzzfeed: 

 

"Finally, I just took the extra milk foam and poured some balls, added a few details with the tip of my thermometer, and called it a dick latte.

"By that time, I had quite a collection of failed attempts in my photo folder."

 

Obviously wanting to show off their newfound talent, but afraid of the consequences of being a dick latte pervert, they sought out Instagram – a palace of both themed feeds and anonymity.

 

It's clear the people of the net were missing dick-themed latte art – the account now has 16,000 followers. And they don't even post regular dicks all the time – holidays mean suitable dicks, such as green ones for St Patrick's Day and a rabbit cock for Easter!

 

The account even spreads its wings in the name of gender equality, showcasing a beaut latte vagina on International Women's Day. Who said dicks had to be dickish, huh?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Read More - > Why it's okay to troll ISIS with unsolicited dick pics

By Lydia Morrish, publish on 15/07/2016